Biorhythms
and their effect on
Marriage

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Finally we move from Friendship and Love and Romance to Marriage, the quintessential long term relationship. The biggest difference between 'Friendship' and 'Love and Romance', and 'Marriage' is that, where the earlier are very much a here-and-now type of an affair, and one that you can quite easily walk away from should thing not work out, Marriage is a more serious engagement, in fact, in many parts of the world it is permanent, which is incidentally also my personal view of it. And even if you live in a part of the world where divorce is legal, it is not an easy process to go through, especially if there are children. Even if there are no dependants, there is still a substantial financial issue in many cases.

Once again, my personal research shows that a compatibility in the emotional biorhythm is most frequently found in those really good marriages. Of course, the best types of relationships are always for people who have full compatibility of all the biorhythms, but that is hardly realistic for most couples. More likely there are different levels of compatibility, and it's the proportions of each that will determine how well the couple gets along. In my experience, the physical biorhythm becomes less important first. Those marriages that are based purely on a match in the physical cycle are the least likely to survive for long. If they do, it is based on stubbornness more that love, and both sides are likely to be miserable.

I know some couples that are only intellectually matched. It's not an ideal situation, but it's possible to make it work. The important thing to make such a relationship last is to have a 'fun crowd' that one spends time with to get one's 'fun quota' filled. And when the partners are emotionally mismatched, their 'fun crowds' will also be emotionally mismatched, so I would suggest that trying to find one 'fun crowd' that works for both partners is probably not going to work out, unless the group is large enough to allow for a large variety of biorhythmic cycles to find matches. One thing that happens quite often is that one partner will try to integrate their spouse into their 'fun crowd', and it just doesn't work. Phrases like "I don't like your friends" will quickly emerge. Don't push it. You are either compatible, or you are not. Short of changing the day you are born on, there is nothing that can be done. On the other hand, if a 'fun crowd' fits for both partners, changes are that the partner's emotional cycle is matched, and then is matched with the group.

As you can see, a successful and lasting marriage can be pre-planned ahead of time. Now, that is not to say that incompatible people can't make things last, it will simply take a lot of time and patience on both sides. Better to avoid it in the first place. Yet one thing that has to be kept is that different people place different priorities on the importance of physical, emotional, or intellectual components of a relationship, and there are people who are very unemotional, or un-intellectual. There are also marriages that are formed for different reasons that perfect bliss. The age of partners has a lot to do with this as well. One thing that I would caution on in this regard though, is that preferences change over ones life, and what might seem important today could become insignificant tomorrow. People change, but they might not change in the same direction, or at the same pace.

So what if you are married to somebody and your find that you are not compatible? There are three approaches to follow at this point: You can make it work; you can get out; or you can be miserable until circumstances change, or your life ends. Getting out, if possible, seems to be the easy approach at first, and in some cases it is the only workable alternative, but can become very complicated when you get into details. Making it work will always involve figuring out what you are compatible on, and focusing your energies there, while avoiding those things that you are obviously mismatched on. So, figure out who and what you are, who and what your partner is, and then go from there. If your partner never wants to have fun when you do, find your own fun crowd to fill your 'fun quota', as well as understand that your partner might choose to do the same thing, with a different crowd. Be kind, be patient, and be understanding. If you require something intellectually stimulating once in a while, and you don't get it from your partner, then talk to a friend who is matched in this regard. The physical mismatch as related to sex might be a bit harder to solve if this is a problem, do to morality issues, and I would strongly caution any outside help, as it usually leads to more problems than it solves. Fortunately this seems to lessen with age. But asides from this, there are other components of physical fulfillment. There is the hiking and biking thing, the sports, the physical activities. Again, if you are a very physical individual but your partner is on a different cycle, they might not be up to the challenge when you are, and you are not when they are. So, again, find a different 'physical crowd' to hang out with when you have the need to engage in exercise. Once you have reached your physical quota, go home to your emotionally matched partner to cuddle with, or your intellectually compatible partner to talk about something interesting. So to sum it up, concentrate on where you have things in common, and avoid each other where there are definite mismatches. The quickest way to break up any but the most perfectly matched relationship is to spend 7x24x365 together. And be patient with each other. Alternatively, you can either terminate the relationship, or be miserable until the end of your life.

Oh, and while we are on the topic of marriage, if I may be so bold to make another suggestion: Don't spend $20,000 or even $50,000 on your wedding like some people do these days. Most couple that fight, fight about money. Some brides think this is the most important day of their marriage. It's not. The most important day is every day that you have a conflict, and there will be many, and you managed to work through it while preserving your marriage. And the less have to fight over money in the first place, the more you will be able to preserve your relationship, your love, your romance, your marriage. Take the $X0,000 dollars and use it as a down-payment for a house instead. Yes, I know, it's not romantic, but trust me, it goes a lot further. Don't believe me? Check out my mortgage calculator to see what difference $20,000 will make to the total cost of your mortgage. It's well worth it.


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Disclaimer: This information is based on private research, and should not be used in place of professional advice. The Author is not a trained counsellor, psychologist, doctor, or any other type of researcher. You act on this advice at your own risk.
Copyright@2000-2004, Juergen Amft, All rights reserved